Glee: DC Edition
by naebaloog
Summary: Blaine gets bitten by a radioactive turtle. He runs away from Dalton taking his beloved tea set with him... which turn out to hold a Genie inside. What's next for Blaine of this twisted verion of Glee? You'll just have to read. Based on Darren interviews
1. Beware of Radioactive Turtles!

**Disclaimer: We don't own Glee, and we do not own Darren Criss' imagination. Although, that would be a lot of fun.**

**Episode 1: Radioactive Turtle**

**Enjoy**

Much as Blaine enjoyed singing and being part of the Warblers, he loved science even more. This evening he was helping his science teacher with his Ph.D. project, which involved inducing binary fission with radiation to observe the effects of accelerated growth on turtle eggs. It was slightly dangerous work for his teacher, as he was handicapped in a wheel chair, and Blaine had to be careful to not expose himself to any of the hazardous materials. However, for the most part, it was his job to take care of the sliders, feed them, ensure the temperature of their water was appropriate, and prepare slides…simple stuff like that. He was a little helper minion, and he loved it. Occasionally, his teacher would let Blaine watch as he observed the eggs, pointing out different features of their development. Today Blaine had sneaked off from Warbler's practice to help with the turtle's feeding, using the excuse that he had a lot of homework to do. The Warblers were appalled, particularly that new transfer student from McKinley.

"Here's the food, Blaine. I want you to up turtles 23 and 11's food by a gram, reduce number 14's by half a gram and 25 by two, and also watch out for 31," Mr. Xavier said, pointing to a smaller slider resting on a rock, "as he has been quite grumpy lately." Sometimes known as a bit insane, Mr. Xavier was a balding man who was very much into his work. Some days, he would hire a substitute to take over class for him if he thought a new discovery was underway. Blaine nodded, took the food, and started weighing it out. He had to do his best to feed each turtle individually and give them the proper amount. The turtles all lived in a big room and were branded a number on their shell for identification. It was a nice room, and earth-conscious as Mr. Xavier was, he had one room for all of the turtles instead of separate tanks to keep it a little greener; at least that's how he balanced out that with working with radioactive materials. As Blaine moved about carefully to each turtle, marking down which got fed and which didn't, he came across the grumpy 31. He carefully fed the little turtle. 31 didn't seem that grumpy; Mr. Xavier must have overreacted. Blaine walked away, ready to move on to the next turtle, when 31 bit him.

"OW!" he yelped. Mr. Xavier, who was working close by, heard the scream and came wheeling over.

"You got bit, didn't you? I TOLD you to be careful!"

"I'm sorry!" Blaine apologized, "I just wasn't watching as I walked away!"

Mr. Xavier sighed and got some rubbing alcohol, telling Blaine that this would sting. Once the wound was sterilized, he wrapped Blaine's leg and told him to rest for the evening. Blaine sighed, frustrated with himself for making such a stupid mistake, and hobbled back to his dorm room. Opening his door, Blaine saw coupons already cut out for the grocery shopping which Blaine did on Saturdays. Today was Wednesday. Since his roommate was a bit of recluse, Blaine did all the shopping for the two of them, and his roommate – being the thoughtful, kind guy that he was, not to mention batshit crazy – collected coupons for him, and sometimes left money amongst the pile as well. All of this was unnecessary, because Blaine had more than enough to provide for both of them, but he appreciated the sentiment nonetheless.

His roommate, Boo, whose real name was Arthur but was called Boo due to his ghostlike appearance and personality (sometimes people even wondered if he existed at all), was sitting quietly on his bed reading a math book. When he saw Blaine, Boo gave him a concerned look at Blaine's bandaged leg.

"I got bit."

Boo raised a questioning eyebrow, and Blaine replied, "I don't really want to talk about it." His roommate shrugged and buried his face behind his text book. Blaine fell into his bed; he wasn't feeling too well by this point. The room started spinning and he felt very warm. Blaine soon realized that his clothes were seeping with sweat.

Boo's gray eyes peeked from his book and met Blaine's in a concerned gaze as Blaine had just emitted a moan of agony. His roommate must have been truly concerned for him, as eye contact was a rare occurrence. Regardless, Boo was unusually comfortable around Blaine compared to most because, for some weird reason, Boo actually trusted his roommate.

Blaine waved him off. "Fine, just… long day. Need… rest." The rest of the night Blaine was twitching and rolling around in his sleep. He felt like his body was on fire and twisting in on itself. At around two in the morning, Blaine decided to get up and see if a glass of tea would relieve his symptoms. Grabbing his cup, he tried to walk as quietly as he could to the bathroom, stumbling around in the dark. He turned on the bathroom light and screamed.

"Blaine!" his roommate called in a raspy voice, rushing over.

"Nothing!" Blaine exclaimed, shutting the door as quickly as he could. This couldn't be a dream, could it? Blaine hoped to God it was just some horrible nightmare. Looking at himself in the mirror, he was green…not a sickly green, his skin was literally green. Also, his back was a lot broader… was that a SHELL! He was turning into a … TURTLE! He whispered into the mirror,"I feel like a loser, I feel like I'm lost. How could this happen to me? What am I going to do now?" Noticing the mysterious absence of pain in his leg, he pulled up his pant leg exposing his green skin to inspect the bite wound, but there was no wound to be found.

His roommate knocked on the door in urgent persistence to know what was wrong.

"I'm fine! I just…." He had to think of something, and quickly. "I stubbed my toe is all."

He heard Boo mumble quietly in skepticism as his footsteps faded away. Blaine let out a sigh of relief that his roommate was not one for conversations, but a new worry cropped up: what was he going to do now? He couldn't stay here, that was for sure. Dalton, as accepting as everyone was, wouldn't accept a turtle-kid! He was pretty sure he would get kicked out as soon as he walked down the hallways. Going home was not an option either; he could imagine the looks on his parents' faces if he showed up at home as a turtle. Why was this happening to him, was it the bite?

It must have been those damn radioactive turtles. He briefly wondered if he should talk to his science teacher. After further thought, he decided that this was his only real option. He peeked out of the door to make sure his roommate was tucked into bed and not looking. Blaine snuck out of his dormitory, wrapping himself in a blanket in case anyone was wandering at this time of night, not that he was doing a very good job of hiding himself (he was green, after all). Stepping outside, Blaine called his teacher. The phone rang, but no one answered. Blaine wasn't about to give up, however, and tried again.

After calling three times, his teacher finally answered with a groggy "Hello?"

"Mr. Xavier! It's Blaine! I know it's really late, but can we meet somewhere?"

"Blaine? Why are you calling at this god forsaken hour?"

"You know how I got bit today?" Mr. Xavier answered with a hmmmm, allowing Blaine to continue: "Well, I don't want to say it over the phone, but something happened…can I meet with you? Now? It's kind of an emergency."

Blaine could hear fumbling in the background, "If you must, Blaine. Meet me in the teacher's lounge. Just don't get caught wandering the halls." With a sigh of relief, Blaine hung up. If the fates allowed, he wouldn't get caught. A giant turtle cruising around Dalton? Although, it would be quite funny to see the look on the hall monitor's face as he passed by. As quietly as he could manage, Blaine crept to the teacher's meeting room, and there he waited for his teacher to arrive.

Moments later he was being shaken awake by a very wide eyed Mr. Xavier. "So, this is your emergency, eh? What an interesting side effect. The radiation must have transferred from the turtle into you, mixing with your DNA to create some sort of turtle-human mutant. How fascinating. Can I take a blood sample?"

Confused by his teacher's reaction Blaine quickly tried to change the topic, "Sure, whatever, but, what am I going to do, I can't just go to school looking like this."

"No, I suppose you would look rather out of place." Mr. Xavier twiddled his thumbs and began to ponder; suddenly he perked up, exclaiming "Of course, why didn't I think of it before!" He took out his phone and dialed a number while holding a finger to Blaine to wait and be patient. He hung up the phone and looked to Blaine. "I have the perfect solution for you," he said, "There is actually a group called the Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles, who have also been bitten by radioactive turtles, but by those in contaminated swamps and rivers. Fortunately, I knew about this group as extensive research on my part of radioactivity and humans, but because my experiments were controlled I didn't think that this reaction would have occurred. Anyway, as far as I am aware, there is no cure for this ailment, and you must join them. One thing was clear - that no matter what awaits you, terrible or wondrous, the TMNT will always be there."

He gave Blaine directions and a map to find the TMNT and told him that they would be waiting for him there. If he got lost, he was to call the number written down on the map. It was rather complicated to get to, as the TMNT had to remain secret from the rest of the world. With an uncertain look to his teacher, Blaine bid goodbye and left, packing only a golden tea kettle which was a valuable family heirloom he couldn't imagine life without, and a bag full of money. With a heavy heart, Blaine waved goodbye to Dalton. He couldn't believe that he would probably never again see the hallowed halls of Dalton, never again sing with his beloved Warblers, and never again hug his parents. People would wonder what happened to him, and he contemplated what his teacher would tell them. Maybe he would make up a story on how Blaine died. New adventures awaited Blaine, and he knew he shouldn't dwell on those thoughts forever, but this realization did little to console him.

Through his sadness he forgot to look both ways before he began crossing Rane Avenue, the street his school was on. When he heard the loud "BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP" of a bus horn, he looked up with a start and was knocked to the ground. Before he lost all consciousness, time suddenly stopped. In front of him appeared a strange blue Genie. Blaine jumped back, being with a giant blue floating Genie was the capsulate last thing he needed to make himself seen, and that wasn't his intention at all. But as he looked around, Blaine saw that no one was around, it was just him, Genie, and an empty street.

"Oi! Ten thousand years will give you such a crick in the neck!" the genie said while twisting his neck around and around. "Why, hello Blaine, I see you've got yourself into a bit of a predicament; well, I have good news for you! This golden tea kettle which has been handed down from generation to generation in your family, is actually my lamp and you woke me up because you rubbed it when you crashed into the bus." Blaine scrunched his face up in confusion, and then understanding washed over him.

"Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaats right!" the Genie exclaimed, "As my savior I am forever bound to you...er, that is…. until I grant you three wishes! Now I'm going to go ahead and assume your first wish is going to be not to get hit by the bus?" Blaine nodded, the Genie snapped his fingers, and with a pop they were on the sidewalk. Time having restarted; the bus went on its way, not seeming to notice the giant blue man-thing talking to a strange-looking boy or the fact that the giant man-thing had stopped time at all. "So there you have it, kid, one down, two glorious wishes left." Before Blaine could speak, Genie added, "Oh and no," the genie changed into a slightly bluer version of Blaine and spoke with a mocking voice, "'My second wish is that I get an unlimited amount of wishes.'" Genie returned to his original form with another pop. "You get three wishes, to be exact. Oh, and ix-nay on the wishing for more wishes. That's all. Three. Uno, dos, tres. Ein, zwei, dri. Uno, due, tre. No substitutions, exchanges or refunds. Don't you think for one second I haven't got you humans all figured out!" Genie went over the other rules about wishes; including no bringing people back from the dead and no making people fall in love. "Oh! And absolutely no bathtubs full of chickens! That was one nightmare of a wish; well you can't pick your masters." Genie stopped talking and looked at Blaine expectantly.

Blaine looked back in wonder as his mind was blown. The genie said, "So where are you off to? And, why, oh why are you a turtle-human thing? No offense."

Filling the Genie in on what had happen in the last 24 hours, he listened intently on Blaine's story. "Well," said the Genie when Blaine had finished, "I could always turn you back into a human, you know that right?"

At this, Blaine went into a rage, actually this was the maddest he had ever been, "How DARE you suggest such a thing!" Although Blaine probably looked like a monster to most people, Blaine had come to terms with his turtleness and loved how much stronger he was. It had already become a part of who he was and he wasn't about to let it go. Being green kind of reminded him of Elphaba, which was very cool; at least he wasn't allergic to water.

"Wow, calm down, Bubbo. Yeesh! Alright, alright! What about needing supplies for the journey?"

Blaine shook his head, "I already have enough money to last until I am 80, even if I never get a job." Blaine sat contemplating his next wish. "I got it!" he exclaimed, "Genie, I wish for a time machine!"

The genie flexed his fingers saying, "One bona-fide time machine coming right up!" And there stood Blaine's very own time machine, Blaine grinned like a Harry Potter fanatic at Wizarding World of Harry Potter theme park. Blaine asked the genie to put the time machine into the back of Blaine's pickup truck, and he complied. Then, Blaine drove and drove until he came across a secluded forest ready for the adventure he had been dreaming about since he was a small child.

**Next time on Glee**: Blaine has a prehistoric adventure!

Please review... otherwise we might have to curl up in our sock drawer and sleep for days.

Love Ashlyn, Catherine and Linnea


	2. Blast to the Past

Episode 2: Blast to the Past

Blaine decided that the TMNT could wait. Where he was going to travel, there would be no one to judge him with his green skin and broad back. He stepped into the time machine and said aloud, "Travel back to the Cretaceous period with the dinosaurs!" Blaine chided himself, 'As opposed to the Cretaceous period _without_ the dinosaurs?' but he was much too excited to care about semantics. The time machine wizzed and whirled, traveling 88 mph, as he smiled to himself. If you put your mind to it, you could accomplish anything. Suddenly, the time machine jolted with an abrupt stop. Grabbing the lamp, Blaine cautiously stepped out of the machine as a wave of heat washed over him. Trees and plants were in abundance; conifers towered over him. A bee buzzed past him, landed on a magnolia, collected pollen, and then took off, ready to pollinate the next plant. "Caaaaaaaw!" came a screech from above; an ichthyornis call! The bird swooped down far off, probably catching a delicious morsel.

Blaine realized that he better hurry up and gather materials to make a shelter before it got too dark to do anything. Putting up a hut was more exhausting than it should have been, as Blaine's fingers were a lot bigger and therefore more cumbersome than before. In times like these he was very glad and proud to have been a Boy Scout. When he was 15 fifteen he had became an Eagle Scout before quitting a year later, so he had very advanced knowledge about wilderness sturvival. In fact, he fancied himself an expert. As he finished (somewhat fumbling despite his expertise) building a hut out of twigs and ferns, the sun was setting, creating the most magnificent sunset he had ever seen. He put his final touches on his new home. It didn't necessarily look pretty, but as long as it raised him off the ground and provided protection from the elements, Blaine didn't really care. He then he started to make a fire.

He was exhausted. Curling up in his hut, he sighed, slightly upset that he hadn't seen a dinosaur yet. However, tomorrow was another day. His mind began to wander as the loneliness of darkness began to take over. Back at Dalton, when his roommate snored, he could barely get a wink of sleep. But the Genie's loud, steady breathing was comforting tonight. This was his first night away from Dalton, his friends, family, everything he every loved. However, Genie's snoring made him feel less alone which was be pretty loud snoring considering he could hear it from inside the genie lamp.

The next morning, Blaine was awoken by something licking his hair. Naturally, he nearly had a heart attack, jumped up and hit his head on the hut's ceiling. Soon he realized it was a tiny kitten, a tiny, stripped, SABERTOOTH-like kitten with the cutest big eyes Blaine had ever seen. It wasn't like a sabertooth he had seen in pictures…maybe a distant relative? It did, however, have those sharp large canine teeth. Smiling, he bent down to pick the lonely, mewing kitten up. "You must be hungry," Blaine said to the cat.

The kitten licked his face in response and Blaine swore some of his skin had been ripped off by the wet sandpaper-like toungue. "Don't worry little guy, I'll find us some food." Blaine's stomach growled in agreement to his statement. "We need to find your mother too! Come on." Knowing that ichthyornis eat fish, he was confident that there must be the start of an ocean near him. He walked in the direction in which he had seen saw the bird fly yesterday while the kitten snuggled into his chest and fell asleep. Already he was falling in love with the little guy, but he must needed to do the right thing and return him to his mother. Finally, after what seemed like hours, he reached the ocean. Feeling like a caveman, Blaine picked up a rock and banged it against another rock to create a pointy spear. Next he grabbed a stick and tied a fern around it to make it stable. Setting the cat down by the ocean, he told the cat to stay and went about fishing. He caught two fairly large fish and tossed one to the homeless kitten before devouring his own. Blaine loved sushi, so he didn't mind eating his fish raw.

"Okay," he said turning to the kitten, "now that we are full, let's find your mother. Since we are going to be together for a while, I'm going to give you a name." Blaine contemplated a bit while he continued to travel, "Oh! How about Baby Puss? It isn't very original, I guess, but I think it fits you." The newly named Baby Puss mewed and Blaine considered it a done deal. He was brushing away trees when he bumped into something pointy. He jumped, startled, and almost dropped Puss in surprise, but was frozen with fear. Before him stood a small but very intimidating triceratops. Blaine was quivering with fear as the dinosaur opened its mouth about to eat him. "Please don't eat me?" Blaine pleaded weakly.

"What the what! Oh I'm sorry," it stopped before it actually took a bite, "I thought you were a bush, you look just so yummy and green. My mother always told me not to eat talking trees, it is a good thing I listen to her advice!" The small, yellow Triceratops stood no more than four feet tall, and spoke... English? That didn't seem right. Maybe there was a lot more to learn about dinosaurs than Blaine had originally thought. "I'm Tina, can we be friends? I know I shouldn't' talk to strangers but I was baby sitting my younger sister, and her friends, Ducky and Petri. I need to find them or else my mother is going to kill me."

"Hey that's fine, we can be friends! I'm not going to hurt you, I may be a swamp monster but I'm a super friendly swamp monster. I'm actually trying to find this little kitten's mother, we could help one another. Do you by chance know what kind of animal this is? I named him Baby Puss. Cute huh?"

"Oh! That's a thylacosmilus kitten. Yup yup! And this sounds like a plan!"

"Oh! AND GENIE! We were supposed to be traveling together. How could I have forgotten! Could you help me look for Genie too?" He was trying not to panic, but he didn't like being the only part human thing around – plus he forgot where he had parked the time machine.

"Yeah, sure, I'll help you find him. What does he look like?"

"Big, blue, changes his shape a lot, magical…. "Uh, on the other hand, how about I just help you look for your friends?" He tried to come up with a lie quick, "Genie is probably... out searching for food."

"Yeah, okay, let's go. We should try and find Baby Puss' mother first. Besides, the watering hole where the cats generally like to hunt is where my little sister and her friends go to play and where I was planning on looking next, plus they can take care of themselves... for the most part. Plus, that kitten needs its mother as soon as possible," said Tina, looking at the helpless sleeping kitten in Blaine's arms.

Just following Tina in comfortable silence gave Blaine time to admire his surroundings. Everything looked so…prehistoric. Was that a herd of longnecks grazing off in the distance? A distant low rumbling filled the air. Blaine tried to suck in this experience as much as possible; he knew he couldn't stay here forever, but he felt so exhilarated and peaceful. There were no cars, no smog, no building, just trees, buzzing of bees, and, of course, dinosaurs. That was the coolest thing of it all, the serenity of nature coupled with dinosaurs, and friendly dinosaurs too.

"Tina, are all dinosaurs as friendly as you?" Blaine asked.

Tina shook her head and snorted at Blaine's ignorance, "Absolutely not. There are ones that are mean that talk behind your back and spread rumors about you." Blaine thought there was more to this story, but he decided to leave that topic for another day. Discretion is the better part of valor, after all. "And then there are dinosaurs that want to eat you," she added nonchalantly.

"Like T-rexes?" asked Blaine.

"Yeah, T-rexes, and velociraptors. At least with the T-rex there is only one, even though they are big and powerful; they are a bit dumb and blunder about a lot so it isn't too difficult to get away. Velociraptors are the ones you want to watch out for: they are smaller but cunning and quick. They can run fifty, sixty miles an hour if they ever got out into the open, and they're astonishing jumpers. We wouldn't want to run across them. How can you have lived here and not know this and still be alive? By the way, what kind of creature are you? I haven't ever seen your kind around." Tina looked at him with skepticism flitting across her face.

"You wouldn't have. I come from a land, from a faraway place, where there no dinosaurs roam. Which is why I'm unfamiliar to this place. I traveled here to get away, that's the best I can tell you. I'm sorry."

Tina looked at him in wonder. Blaine could tell she wanted to know more but was gracious enough not to push it when Blaine clearly did not want to elaborate. They traveled a few more paces when Tina exclaimed, "Look Blaine, we are here!"

Searching around, they soon found remnants of the thylacosmilus by the watering hole, with footprints scattered in disarray in and what looked like mass chaos. Blaine searched for a clue as to where they went when a depressing scene lay out before him. One thylacosmilus was lying there dead, staining the ground with blood that was already beginning to dry. The kitten in his arms wiggled and squirmed so he let the creature go. He ran up to the dead female and nuzzled her. Blaine understood immediately: this was the kitten's mother, killed by who-knew-what. Giving the kitten some room to grieve he stood by Tina's side and watched as a tear trickled down his face. Making up his mind he turned to Tina, "Let's go, we will look for your friends. It looks like I am going to be adopting this kitten – as it needs a home and someone to care and provide for it." Tina nodded as the kitten plodded over to Blaine, his posture slunked. Heartbroken, Blaine picked up the kitten, gave it a tight squeeze in reassurance, and then the three of them continued on their way. Blaine was at least glad that the kitten looked old enough to be weaned from its mother. Before they left, however, Tina took one last look at the wound marks on the kitten's mother, her face contorted in worry.

"What's the matter?" Blaine asked with trepidation.

"She was killed by a pack of velociraptors. I'm sure of this. We need to find my little sister and her friends immediately; they could all be in very grave danger." They hurried off at a trot, Blaine barely keeping up with the faster triceratops. "Please, oh please be safe!"

Finally they spotted them. Ducky, a small green parasaurolophus with a horn on the back of her head and a wide mouth, was clutching onto what must have been her little sister, a smaller version of Tina. Petri was on top of Cera's head – he was a small brown pteranodon. He also had a horn on top of his head. Everyone look petrified and Blaine was about to stop Tina from exclaiming, but he was too late as she screamed, "Petri! Ducky! Cera!" Tina ran over to greet her friends. "I thought I lost you!"

The smaller triceratops held her foot to her mouth in clear indication to be silent. Blaine looked up, and for the second time that day he was afraid for his life. But this time it was warranted. Three velociraptors loomed in the distance. One perked its menacing head when Tina yelled. This thing was terrifying: you Blaine could see the intelligence gleaming in its eyes. It knew what it wanted, and at that moment it was the dinosaurs currently hiding behind a boulder. He had the urge to run, but Tina held him down.

"I know what you are thinking, but don't run, it will only make it want to kill you faster," she whispered urgently.

Fighting every fiber of his being that screamed for Blaine to get the hell out of there, he stayed put and huddled to the group behind the rock. The velociraptor edged closer to them as the other two disappeared. This couldn't be good. Blaine quickly thought up a plan to get them out of there and safely. Using his Boy Scout knowledge (as it is very useful against dinosaurs), he grabbed the nearest largest stick and worked to make a fire.

"What are you doing?" asked Tina, "You are going to get us killed."

"No, I won't. I'm trying to save us! On the count of three I want you guys to run away from here as fast as you can. I'll take care of this."

"I revise my previous statement. _You_ are going to get yourself killed."

Ignoring her cheek, Blaine continued his fire making. When the fire near him was large enough, he made sure everyone was ready. (He was very quick at fire making, and had he even received a super-special badge in "Ungodly Fast Fire-Making" as a Boy Scout.) To the group he said, "Stick together. Grab a stick of fire and run that direction. One..."

"I'm not ready for this," said Tina, shaking her head.

"Two."

"I'm scareded," quivered Petri.

"Three."

The four dinosaurs ran together, waving their sticks like madmen... or mad dinosaurs in this case. Blaine covered from behind with his now no longer sleeping kitten tucked under his arms. The velociraptors didn't seem to quite know what to do, but their protesting stomachs got the better of them and they ran after the group. Blaine was prepared: as he had dried tree branches in his pocket, and he lit one on fire, throwing it at the carnivore. It hit the velociraptor right between the eyes. Maddened more than anything, the velociraptor lunged at Blaine, snapping his powerful jaws. Turning around, Blaine made it so the only thing the velociraptor managed to get in his mouth was Blaine 's hardend shell. At the impact he almost dropped Baby Puss, but the kitten had held on for dear life. As the velociraptor leapt in front of the turtle-man, Blaine performed a backflip to quickly get away from the beast. Blaine waved the flaming stick in front of the velociraptor, but it was unperturbed as a mad rage engulfed its senses. Blaine was in trouble: he was surrounded by three very angry, very hungry carnivores.

Suddenly, Tina had made a rather odd move and leaped on top of the velociraptor's head, shoving her fire-ladden stick into the beast's open mouth. The other smaller dinosaurs had done did the exact same thing. Screaming in agony, the volociraptors finally admitted defeat and scurried away, probably to never eat again.

"You are an idiot!" exclaimed Tina. "But you saved our lives. Without that fire, we would have been dead meat. How did you make it?"

Sheepishly, Blaine responded, "Its really not that hard, I'll show you someday. And thank you guys for saving _my_life, I thought I was a gonner." He quickly checked over Baby Puss to make sure the kitten in his care was okay. There were no marks to be seen and he sighed.

The group laughed to relieve the tension as they walked to return the three younger ones to their parents.

"Please," said Tina, "not a word to this to ANYONE. Do you understand me! I'll be grounded forever, and I'll never get to babysit you guys ever again. Mouths shut."

"Don't worry Tina, you are the best baby sitter ever. We won't rat you out. Nope nope nope!" reasured Ducky.

Tina smiled, "Thanks guys."

As everyone was returned to their families, Blaine and Tina bid goodbye.

"Oh, tomorrow is racing day with the dinosaurs. You could join us if you'd like?"

"Wow, yes I would love to go! I wonder what it would be like to _ride _on a dinosaur. That would be an experience."

"Well," said Tina, "there is a race that requires dinosaurs to ride on one another. It is kind of a silly tradition, but I know a longneck who needs a partner. We could ask him (is it a he now?) if you'd like? The race is in a week, so you have plenty of time to prepare for it."

" YES!" he exclaimed. "That sounds FANTASTIC! I hope this dinosaur will let me!" 'Riding on dinosaurs, how totally awesome is that?' thought Blaine.

"Cool, I'll meet you here tomorrow."

"Sounds good. Bye, Tina."

As she walked away Tina congratulated herself: another successful interaction with a man, and a radioactive turtle-man to boot…but as she did not exactly know that what he was, she remained unaware of that last triumph.

Making his way back to his new home, he stopped by the pond to nurse his bruises and cuts. Nothing major had been done, but he was definitely in pain, and he had a burn mark. No less then three hours later he was curled up into his hut with Baby Puss pressed against his feet; he was so tired he felt like he could sleep there for days.

The next day, Blaine woke to the warm sun shining overhead, and he still didn't know where Genie had wandered off to. He hoped that the magical creature would be able to find him eventually, so Blaine tried not to worry too much. He spotted Tina waiting by the tree where she had told him to meet her at.

Tina saw Blaine off in the distance and waved to him. 'Wow, isn't Blaine the cutest guy ever. And so brave. Watching him fight off those monsters yesterday, it was amazing,' thought Tina, with a small smile on her dinosaur lips. She was broken out of her daydream by a high pitched and annoying, "Hem hem".

"Well, well, well what do we have here? If it isn't Tina the little triceratops."

Tina slowly turned around to face her arch-nemesis, Perezella George, another triceratops. With a groan Tina asked, "What do you want Perez? I'm waiting for a friend, so just buzz off."

Perezella's face turned into several shades of purple. "Don't call me Perez!, My Name is Perezella! And what about you, Miss Tina-the-fastest-triceratops-ever? Pfffftttt.. Please, as if anyone would want to be friends with you. Wait, your only friend is your little imaginary one, right? HAH!"

Perezella's minions, Anastasia and Drizella, cackled in glee.

"Just leave me alone!, I'm waiting for, my friend, Blaine!" shouted Tina as she shuffled nervously under the gaze of Perezella and her followers.

"You go wait for your imaginary friend Blaine, while I'll go and show my friends how to really race," smirked Perezella.

"Ohh Yay!, That is like so fetch!" exclaimed Drizella.

"Drizella, stop trying to make 'fetch' catch on," said Perezella in an obviously annoyed tone.

Just then, Blaine was walking up the pathway.

"Ohhh, isn't he a cutie! Hey Tina, watch and learn. Maybe you could possibly get a real friend one day." With that, Perezella strutted making her way towards Blaine.

Tina watched from afar, frowining, and thought, 'Would he go and be friends with Perez? No he wouldn't…could he? Well maybe, I mean, she is really pretty and popular… and I'm just a, well I'm just a good for nothing nobody!'

She was snapped out of her thoughts by a smiling Blaine, "Hey Tina, are you ready to go meet this longneck?"

"Sure," replied Tina, and as they walked toward the race track she glanced at Perez and her followers, giving them a big toothy grin.

"That girl dinosaur sure was full of herself. What is her name?" asked Blaine.

"Perezilla," informed Tina. "She is the most popular dinosaur around."

"Well, I don't see anything special about her. Besides, I would rather hang out with someone who would stick fire in a velociraptor's mouth for me. I doubt she would do that."

Glowing, Tina shook her head, a slight blush creeping up on her face. Finally, they came across the race track.

"Hey, Emmett! Blaine, this is Emmett, the longneck. Emmett, this is Blaine. He was wondering if he could ride you for the double dinosaur race in five suns?"

The gigantic longneck lowered his head down to their level. "Sure, Blaine, that sounds great! I was worried, because I needed a partner. Here, hop on my head and I'll explain the rules. We only have a week to get ready, so if you are up for it, I would like to start today and as soon as possible."

Blaine smiled and nodded, his body was almost trembling with anticipation. Not needing to be told twice, he handed Baby Puss off to Tina and climbed up. Emmett lifted his head and Blaine gasped in the beauty and wonder of it all. Everything was so small from up here. As Blaine waved down at the very tiny Tina, Emmett went over the rules. He was surprised to learn that he Emmet was going to be blindfolded and running as fast as he could. It was Blaine's job to make sure he avoided traps, as well as the other racers. If he even brushed up against another competitor they were out. Terrified but exhilarated, Blaine gulped but agreed to the stupidest thing he was about to do in his whole life. Even stupider, he concluded, than not watching the radioactive turtles to make sure he didn't get bitten.

"This sounds like pretty heavy stuff. I don't know about this."

"Its fine, no one has died. Injured? Yes. Hospitalized? Yes. But not died. Besides, weight has nothing to do with it."

The two of them walked around for a while so that Blaine to could get used to the gait and learn how to balance on the huge longneck's head. He was provided a harness strap made of braded plant material, but it took some skill to not slip around.

"How does it fit?" he Emmet asked Blaine.

"Alright, I guess."

"Finally, I create one that works."

Blaine blanched at that statement, but didn't invesitigate further: he didn't know if he wanted to. Then they tried to run. Adrenaline shot through Blaine; he was invigorated. Before he was afraid, but now... now he was smiling in the sheer joy and rush that flowed through him. The wind passed around him – they were traveling so fast and covering as much ground as Emmett's large long legs could reach. Even though he was a very large animal, Emmett moved across the earth with so much grace. A bird fluttered past them and was almost caught up in the whirlwind Emmett was creating. Everything passed in mostly a green blur. If this was as fast as they were going to be moving for the race, he didn't know how he was to manage multitasking stearing, looking out for themselves and obsticles in their path. But they had pleanty of time to practice, Blaine only hoped that he would acquire at least some skill before the race.

The next day, Blaine learned how to communicate with Emmett from so high up. "To tell me to turn right or left, tap your foot on my right or left side. Any other instructions, just tell them to me. This will be fun, it always is…I promise!"

By Friday, Emmett, exclaimed happily after maneuvering a set-up course while he was blindfolded, the smilingly dinosaur told Blaine, "I think we are ready!"

"Oh, I am looking forward to this. It's gonna be totally awesome."

After a week of pure exhaustion, Blaine woke up ready for the race.

He met up with Emmett at the track just before giving Tina the kitten. She bid him good luck promising that she would take good care of the little guy.

"You're late, do you have no concept of time?" Was his greeting from Emmet when Blaine 'finally' arrived. "Great Scott! We need to get going! Well, don't just stand there, climb on my head!"

Blaine was only two minutes behind; the nerves must have been getting to Emmett. Letting the comment go seemingly unnoticed, for he didn't want to start and arguement, he climbed up his Emmett's neck and strapped himself in. The two meandered their way to the start line. Blaine took a deep breath and let it out slowly to calm his nerves. Another longneck tied a black ribbon around Emmett's eyes and checked to make sure he could not see anything. Nodding with satisfaction, the refferee moved onto the next longneck. Blaine gave Emmett a pat of reassurance.

"Ready."

Emmett went down into a runners crouch.

"Set."

He let out a breath of air.

"Go!"

And they were off. Blaine thought that maybe Emmett would be slightly slower running since she he was blind, but no, he was running full speed, and so were all the other longnecks. 'Oh my God.' Before he lost focus, Blaine transferred his thoughts to the run. It started out easily enough, slight turns here to the right, then left, and left again. This was the weeding-out part of the course, getting rid of those who were clearly unfit, but only two had dropped out. They cleared the third turn perfectly and Blaine could hear Tina cheering them on as they rushed past.

"How are we doing so far?" Emmett asked.

"Third place, they aren't too far ahead."

"Damn, Damn!" he bellowed running even faster then before.

"Holy!" exclaimed Blaine in surprise.

"Just keep doing what you are doing," reminded Emmett.

Blaine gulped; this was going from exciting to horrifying. Suddenly, there were trees in their path, and he had to guide Emmett to weave in between them. A tree appeared unexpectedly right in front of them, and Blaine had barely enough time to warn him. These damn trees were ALWAYS popping up out of nowhere! He swearved to the side, but one of the tree branches stuck out and hit Emmett in the side. He let out a gasp in surprised, but continued on running. Blaine was amazed at the longneck's resilience. The cut wasn't too bad, luckily. Being hit by obstacles in the path did not disqualify them, but, as he had learned earlier, even remotely touching another competitor would get them kicked out. The path was immensely wide, wide enough for that to not be a worry, thus far anyway.

The path had then turned into a pond. They did not practice a water part of the portion, and Blaine was just a little worried to say the least.

"Emmett, there is water up ahead!"

"Perfect!" he said with odd glee. This dinosaur was insane.

They came upon the water, and Blaine shouted instructions to Emmett on how to get in. It was a slippery hill and Emmit slipped and slid down barely keeping his large dinosaur feet underneith him, he regained balance moments later. A few of the dinosaurs behind them went crashing to the ground, spewing mud, sand, and water everywhere. Finally, the duo got into the murkey water; it which was just deep enough soEmmett really did have to swim. He was gracious enough to hold his head above water for Blaine. This was a very odd sensation, very different than riding a dinosaur on land. It was a lot smoother; it felt like he was just gliding on top of the water. Emmitt was a fast swimmer and soon were up to second place.

Getting out of the water was just about as difficult as getting in. Blaine had to tell Emmett exactly where to step, and this slowed down their progress significantly. But it did nothing to change their place in the race because everyone else competing was stuggling. One of the longnecks lost their footing completely and did a fantastic windmill-faceplant, which couldn't have been performed better in a ballet. Eventually, they managed to weave themselves out of the pond and continued at lightning-fast speed. New obstacles came their way. Hurdles seemingly came out of nowhere, and they which spanned the whole path, so there was no way for them to go around them. He had to make his timing perfect to tell Emmett when to jump. Once, he caught his foot on the low-placed tree branch and they almost went tumbling down, and would have if it wasn't for Blaine shouting instructions to Emmett. It was amazing how well they worked as a team when they had only met less then a week ago.

They were edging near the finish line as Blaine urged him faster. He told the large dinosaur to stick out his neck as far as he could when they passed the line. However close they were to making first, they didn't get it. They got second. Sighing in relief, Blaine untied himself from Emmett and slid down his neck like a giant slide. He smiled the biggest dinosaur smile down at him.

"We did it Blaine! Second place isn't bad!"

Blaine gave a weary smile as he vowed to never do that ever again.

Thank you every one for reading! Please give us a review, its the only way we can get better.

**Next time on Glee**: Blaine's tragic end to the dinosaurs and he makes a new friend!


	3. A New Friend

**Episode 3: A New Friend**

Tina had expressed the desire to learn how to make a fire, and Blaine had assured her that he would teach her. Today they would meet to discuss this ancient and noble art which Blaine had learned from the esteemed Firemaster of Troop 116. Blaine's little kitten had hit a growth spurt and was now just begging to hunt on its own, which provided hours of endless amusement: the kitten wasn't very good and had very few successful kills. As Blaine was waiting for Tina, Baby Puss was trying to catch a bambiraptor. While his kitten was giving it all trying to capture his prey, the creature swooped about the cat gracefully in tiny dives, seemingly taunting the poor cat, who Blain could tell was getting quite frustrated. Someone beside him gave a light chuckle as Baby Puss did a flip in the air, falling on his side.

"Oh, hey Tina, ready to start your lesson?"

"As ready as I'll ever be I guess. How do we start?"

"Making fire is not just some crude, mechanical process. It is a delicate art. You have to be able to feel the fire, give life to it, let it breath, but don't let it get out of hand. But first, we need to find a couple of really dry sticks, the dryer the better. I have some right here so no need to go searching for them. Also, we need some dry leaves to serve as good starting fuel. This stuff catches on fire easily, but won't stay lit for long. Then you just rub the sticks together as fast as you can and hope for the best." Blaine picked up the sticks and brushed a few of the leaves into a little pile.

Blaine demonstrated what he was saying so Tina could get the idea.

"And voila! Fire!"

He handed Tina another supply of leaves to let her try. Tina started, but to no avail. Nothing she did seemed to work.

"Try blowing on it a little bit too. Sometimes that helps. Remember to feel the fire, you aren't feeling it enough."

Tina did as she was told, though a bit confused at the last part Blaine was trying to tell her, and the fire sprung to life. She actually jumped for joy clapping and screaming at her success. Through her excitement, she managed to accidently suck a half-lit leaf up her nose. Blaine laughed as he watched her sputter and cough. He received a glare in response, but soon her glare turned into an outright grin as she looked at the result of her newly acquired fire making skills.

"Thank you, Blaine! Now, I am going to teach all my dinosaur friends!"

Alas, they weren't watching the fire that Tina created and soon the fire caught up to a dead fallen tree and in the blink of an eye that tree was ON FIRE! Blaine yelled and Tina proceeded to lose her mind, running in circles exclaiming, "What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do! We got a big problem...a big problem…"

Blaine didn't see what exactly the problem was about a dead tree branch catching on fire, but soon he found out. Tina grabbed him and pulled him back just in time: the tree exploded! Wide-eyed, he looked at her for an explanation.

Tina explained, yelling almost incoherently to him, "OH MY FREAKING GOD" ? THAT'S A EUCALYPTUS!"

Blaine was confused. "So?"

Tina continued to yell frantically, "THEY'RE FILLED WITH OIL THAT EXPLODES WHEN IT GETS TOO HOT!"

Blaine, who was now freaking out yelled back, "HOW IN THE HELL DO YOU KNOW THAT? AND WHY THE _HELL_ DIDN'T YOU WARN ME!"

Tina exclaimed, "I'M A DINOSAUR BLAINE I KNOW FREAKING EVERYTHING! AND I THOUGHT YOU KNEW ABOUT FIRE SAFETY! I DIDN'T THINK IT WOULD BE A PROBLEM, MR. "I LEARNED FROM A FIREMASTER!"

Blaine was at loss for words, this was completely inconceivable. However, he knew she was right, though, so instead he grabbed her and ran. This was a forest full of such trees, and soon the air was filled with explosions which were happening all around them. Looking back, they saw that the whole forest was burning. The ground started trembling beneath their feet. The exploding trees had actually caused an earthquake, and the two of them were knocked violently to the ground. A crack between him and Tina started to form, and Blaine almost tried to jump across it to save her like any proper Firemaster-in-Training would do, but he was forced to the ground again as another quake rippled across the earth and his feet buckled underneath him.

Tina shouted at him, "Blaine! The volcano!"

Blaine looked up as the crack in the earth crept its way towards the active but (up until now, at least) passive volcano (which had only occasionally emitted smoke for years). Tina was trapped on the other side of the crack and there was nothing Blaine could do to save her. Leaving her regrettably to her fate, he ran for his life. He was running away from the volcano and towards his only option left: the time machine.

The crack reached the volcano and Blaine didn't need to watch or look to know: the sound was deafening. _Ah shit! So _this _is how the dinosaurs die!_ It was all his fault. He should have made sure that the fire couldn't get out of control, but honestly, who knew that he, Blaine, would be the sole cause of the dinosaurs' downfall? The volcano started spewing ash and the ground started shaking once again. But this was a different shake, it was a shake of a promise, a roar and came with the knowledge that soon everything was going to be covered with lava and ash. He was sprinting towards the direction of his hut when suddenly Genie popped out of nowhere, and then the two of them were transported back to the time machine with a mumble of "No wishes this time, it's on me, I'm saving my own ass too." Blaine hurriedly opened the door as stepped inside as another tremor shot through the earth. Another pop and Baby Puss was next to them.

"Oh, thank GOD!" Blaine exclaimed hugging his beloved pet.

Knocking him back into reality, Genie screamed, "GET US OUTTA HERE, BLAINE, OR WE'LL NEVER SURVIVE!"

"Oh, right," Blaine muttered, pushing buttons as they were about to be engulfed in boiling lava. Just in time, the time machine whirled away, putting Blaine back into his own era. Hitting the ground with a thud, Blaine fell to his knees in a heap, muttering incoherently about how he just singlehandedly wiped out almost everything that lived during the dinosaurs' era. The coolest animals that had ever walked the face of the earth were all dead, extinct, gone forever, and it was all because of him. Since Blaine was only just pushing buttons, making sure that he ended back in his own century, they were lucky that they actually landed on solid ground instead of in the water. Since, you know, the Earth is mostly made up of that liquidly stuff. Blaine took a quick glance at their location, the Caribbean, before collapsing once again in a heap of Blaine.

"It's all my fault, Genie! I tried to be someone… I wanted to help… but it's over now!" he wailed, clutching onto Baby Puss, the last of his kind. He felt like curling up in his sock drawer and sleeping for days, but alas, there was no sock drawer in sight, and Blaine doubted he would even fit.

After about an hour, he decided that it was about time to get himself into shape and go searching for food and build a shelter. He opened the time machine and toppled to the ground, only to be looking up at a man riding a donkey carrying fish in a bucket. The stranger hopped off the donkey and pulled Blaine onto his feet.

"Tancho," said the man pointing to himself and then pointed an index finger to Blaine with his eyes scrunched in a question.

"Uhhh… my name's Blaine, sir, nice to meet you."

"No Sir, nice meet. Strange creature! Follow!" he said with a wave of his hand. Blaine picked up the lamp which Genie was currently having a neurotic meltdown, as they DID just escape an apocalyptic pseudo-nuclear volcano blast, and walked while Puss followed him from behind (Puss was now too big to be carried). Blaine shadowed Tancho's every move until they came to a secluded camp fire, which Blaine quickly stomped out.

"Why do that?" asked Tancho, clearly in distress.

"I don't want to talk about it. Let's talk about you. How come you are in the Caribbean, and how did you get here?"

This strange man who spoke broken English told Blaine that his old friend the Lone Ranger of La Mancha, to whom he provided all sorts of wisdom, had died. He had come here to have his own vacation and found a sort of paradise and comfort in his sadness. He had been living in the Caribbean for a good decade and was just starting to get lonely, the only preventing him from going insane being his faithful companion, his piebald donkey. Tancho wasn't sure if Blaine was human, some kind of animal, a subspecies of something, or inflicted with some sort of strange disease. Blaine assured him that he was 'human' Tancho was filled with tremendous glee when Blaine actually spoke back to him; after all, when your only contact with life is your donkey, however wonderful the little ass is times can get a bit lonely and result in mindless chatting when one finally encounters something or someone else who can actually speak. And mindless rambling is what Tancho did. Blaine sat back as his troubles were washed away, immersed in Tancho's stories.

He began by telling Blaine that he and his now-deceased friend met when the Lone Ranger of La Mancha mistook some windmills for giants and tried to joust them from the back of his even-more-rickety horse Rociver. But the windmills were actually a mine that had recently exploded, in which poor Sancho was trapped. His friend saved him. After that, they were inseparable. Riding together on many adventures, his crazy friend rambled on and on to Tancho about literature. Tancho clearly missed his dear friend, as his stories were filled with passion and endearment. Blaine could also see the sadness in his eye; this peculiar old man had seen darkness and knew how heartless the world could be, taking away his friend like that.

Tancho then asked Blaine how he had suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

Since Tancho shared his story, Blaine caved and told this strange man everything. "Well," he explained, "it's a time machine, see?" Blaine spoke about how he had turned into a mutant turtle, meeting Genie (for which Genie decided to wake up and present himself, scaring the shit out of poor Tancho) and finally about his time with the dinosaurs. Blaine ended the story in tears, once again, because he had caused a mass extinction. As Blaine spoke, Tanto was preparing some fish he had caught before Blaine arrived. First he cut off their heads, and then pulled out their bones. It was really quite a disgusting sight, but mesmerizing in an awful way. Then he started pounding the fish with a mallet, slashing through the skin and gave the belly a slice. After that, he rubbed some salt in.

When Blaine gave a final sigh at the end of his story, Tancho stood up and wrapped his arms around Blaine in a comforting hug, offering his advice. "Dinosaurs no die, no humans. No humans, no Blaine. No Blaine, no friend."

Blaine hugged Tancho back telling him that he had a dizzying intellect. This was the start of a beautiful lifelong friendship. Tancho was right, after all: without the dinosaur extinction, he certainly wouldn't be here. Tancho offered Blaine the now prepared but raw fish, as Toncho was gracious enough not to start a fire, understanding now what Blaine had just gone through. They ate in silence until Tancho indicated for Blaine to follow him and led the four companions to the ocean. Tancho dived into it, and Blaine did the same, while Puss sat on shore watching them. A dolphin came up to greet Tancho, and Blaine could tell that Tancho must have befriended it. Another dolphin swam over and presented its dorsal fin to Blaine. Blaine took it, and off the dolphin zoomed. Genie was having fun being a fish and talking to them in their own strange fish language. Soon, Blaine forgot about his worries with the dinosaurs and became immersed in the dolphin ride.

**Next on Glee: Blaine finds a magical scroll. **


End file.
